No difference between failing and flying…

One month ago today, I took a deep breath (a few in fact) and performed an original poetry piece I'd written for #altsummit.

It was the first time in years, performing in front of people. I wanted perfect. I wanted flawless.

And without realizing it, I used those metrics to measure myself worthy of the opportunity to be there.

So when perfect and flawless didn’t happen, I was devastated and felt broken. Despite all the love and support present in that room, I felt like I had failed.

I basically ran off stage when I was done and missed the standing ovation I received. Which I only know about because my very good friend came to find me backstage. 

She said...that's was amazing mama. I came back here to tell you before you start thinking something else. People are crying out there she said, you got a standing ovation. You did so good. 
I wanted to believe her and a part of me did, but most of me had a hard time because of the underling expectation I had placed on myself.

It took some time for the sting to turn into a feeling of a job well done. Sure, I was proud I finished it...because all I wanted to do was run...but it wasn't a feel in my bones kinda victory.... Not until I allowed it to be. Not until I truly honored my courage to show up, and to keep going when things went less than perfectly.

All I wanted from that day was to have someone walk away feeling seen and encouraged.

And today I know it did that. Possibly more so because of my imperfect delivery. 
Sometimes what we chalk up as our missteps are the exact moments that reveal our greatness. And I those moments grant others permission to be just as brave, inside their next adventure.

So here's to celebrating no difference between failing and flying. And letting the true testament be the willingness to leap. 📸 lovingly borrowed from @happyface313

Vanessa Feliciano